For so long after my son, Tyler, died, my life seemed to be defined with the distinctions of “before Tyler died” and “since Tyler died.” The distinctions were not only marked but painful. Every aspect of my life seemed determined and effected by “the before” and “the after” lines of time. I often tried to think of my life as a whole but it usually felt impossible. My line in the sand was deep grief. But I imagine those who have experienced traumas of many types might feel something similar. Life becomes disjointed. Days, months – and years – feel disordered. Disconnected.
But God has been patient. And merciful. Just as He has in so many ways through my journey of grief, He has helped. And brought healing. He continues to bring healing. I do not know when it happened but the sharp, jagged lines of “before” and “after” have been softened. Blurred. Of course, the two distinct times are still real – just as there are two separate oceans – but God is creating oneness in my life again. This one life He has given me. Many different experiences, “before and afters,” opportunities, days and years fashioned together by a loving Heavenly Father for His glory.
These are my thoughts for the Five Minute Friday prompt: BEFORE. If you are not familiar with my grief story, you can read more in the header above under “Could It Be Any Worse?” My heart is heavy today for those who are hurting or may be struggling with raw distinctions of before and after in their lives. For so long, I held onto those hurtful divisions of time. They defined me. But they also hurt so badly. I pray God will soften your edges and you will allow Him to give you healing and comfort as well.