Who am I? A wife for almost 40 years. A mom for over 36 years. A sister and a friend, of course. Each of these help describe me. But, even more, I have been a Christian since accepting Him as my Savior when I was 12 years old and, this truth defines each area of my life. I have enjoyed some mountain top experiences but have been through some very deep valleys as well. Valleys of incredible grief and even pits of depression. However, most of my days are ordinary, routine kind of days. But in every one of my days, God has been faithful. He has walked with me whatever the day. He strengthens, comforts, encourages and blesses me with life "most abundant."

A favorite life verse: The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10

Why do I write? Though not quite as private as my dad, I am definitely my father's daughter. I find it difficult to share. And to let others in. But I do love to write. I love to put words into sentences and sentences in paragraphs that help express my thoughts. I hope my words help me share my heart. Share the life that God has given me and all that He has done for me and through me. I write with the hope of giving Him at least a bit of the glory He is due.

A verse to guide my writing: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ. I Peter 1:7

Some Thoughts on August First

Posted on By jennifer

Good Monday morning.  Hello to a new week and a new month.  Hello, August.  Yes, I am beating around the bush.  Today is August 1st.  A bittersweet day.  The day we affectionately refer to as Tyler’s Heaven birthday.  If you are new around here, sixteen years ago (can it really be sixteen years), the Lord healed our youngest son Tyler by taking him home to Heaven.  Not exactly how we expected our prayers to be answered by certainly God’s perfect plan.

I have always struggled with this day.  What is the “proper” or appropriate way to remember it?  A Heaven birthday – sounds like it should be celebrated – and, indeed, I am beyond comforted to know with certainty my son is Heaven but do I celebrate?  I cannot simply “do nothing” nor do I want to mope or mourn all day.  I know I’m not the first to work through this challenge and it seems the correct answer is a bit different from year to year.  But, I suppose that is okay.  Grief is a complex (if not a funny) thing.

Forgive me if my thoughts and words are a bit scattered….and a bit all over the place.  I really wanted to leave an encouragement today.  A post that might even help someone else dealing with similar feelings, but my thoughts are just not coming together.  However, just yesterday the Lord gave me some peace as well as some powerful thoughts while reading a morning devotional.  They are from Elizabeth Elliot – Lessons from Suffering.  I will just close with a quote from her journal.  The lessons learned through sixteen years of missing Tyler (of learning about grief) have been many.  They are slow to digest but profoundly impactful when I begin to see them through God’s heart.  Also, if you are interested and have not done so before, you can read more about Tyler (and his story) in the page link – Could It Be Any Worse? – above.  Have a blessed day, friends!

Elizabeth said, “…this grief, this sorrow, this total loss that empties my hands and breaks my heart, I may, if I will, accept; and by accepting it, I find in my hands something to offer.  And so I give it back to Him, who in mysterious exchange gives Himself to me.”

Good Monday Morning

Comments (11)

  1. My heart goes out to you today, my friend. You are loved, your words are read and treasured, and you are an encourager- even if just by being here and saying you wanted to encourage other on a day like today. I know today must be so odd- and I have learned by watching friends experience tremendous loss, that grief is, indeed, a complex thing. I am sure it ebbs and flows with days and years and seasons. Thank you for sharing your very real life here in this little space- it’s reasons like this why I love the blogging community so much. Everything is not always “fine” and I love sharing in all of life’s ups and downs with people who know what it’s like. (I’m comparing this to social media.) I’m going to go read Tyler’s story now. Much love to you today, sweet friend.

    1. Thank you so much, friend! As always, God has blessed and encouraged me throughout the day – starting with sweet words from my blogging friend! You were a blessing first thing this morning!!

  2. I had tears in my eyes and a heavy heart before I even finished reading this. I know something of the complexities of grief- for grieving for someone who you know is in a better place and pain free yet the pain is so sharp for us who are not yet in our heavenly home. I love how you wanted to encourage someone today. That is the truest mark of someone who is selfless and Lord honoring in everything she does. I hope you find ways today to express the grief of your loss along with the joy in knowing that Tyler is with Jesus right now. A big virtual hug to you, friend.

    1. Maria, I am so grateful to know that Tyler is with Jesus….AND that a grand reunion is coming one day soon!! Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words this morning. And for the virtual hug!:)

  3. Many thoughts and prayers of comfort for you and a big hug. I do not know you. I may have visited the blog a handful of times. I didn’t know about your son. Thank you for sharing Elizabeth quotes. She is a favorite of mine. 🙂

    1. Chrissy, I am so glad you found your way to my blog, visited and even left a comment! I so enjoy meeting new ladies – and look forward to visiting your blog. I hope you will stop by again!!

  4. Thank you for sharing this moving post full of love, peace and hope. Can you even begin to imagine how glorious that moment will be when you get to put your arms around your precious son again!?! I don’t know either of you, but the thought fills me with such joy! Prayers for your continued healing in your heart.

  5. Such a hard day. Thinking of you this week as you both celebrate Tyler and also grieve the time you didn’t get with Tyler. November 13 is that day for us when we have those bittersweet feelings about our sweet Kali who didn’t get to stay here with us. Like you, I’m so grateful for full healing in heaven for our children, but it doesn’t make us miss them any less. Hugs to you, Jennifer!

    1. I spent some time looking through your old posts – reading more about Kali. Thanks for sharing. Ah, what a grand reunion is awaiting us!! Thank you for your note/comment!!

  6. I am just getting around to reading some posts from this week, and this one hits close to my heart, as you know. My heart goes out to you as you contemplate these special days of remembrance. I know I have to work through them each time they come around as well. You mentioned on my blog post today that maybe you ought to come up with a memorial garden or something similar to what we have. Ours is not fancy, as a matter of fact, the only real flowers that grow there are the rose bush that you saw in my post, and a Rose of Sharon bush, and some Easter Lilies. It’s more about the atmosphere, a shady spot next to the pond with a porch swing and a bench. We can’t sit outside much right now as it is too hot, but I enjoy it when the weather starts to cool down more. if you don’t have such a spot like that, maybe just a small area with a butterfly garden, or a fountain, or a birdbath, or something special that makes you think good thoughts about your son. Maybe a special kind of outdoor artwork. I’m sure you will think of something just right. Meanwhile, sending (((hugs))) to you. I know I am late for the actual date, but I also know how these memories and memorials sometimes linger. Take care and may God give you peace.

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