Welcome to the blog. As always, I am glad you stopped by today. The week, so far, has been a bit heavy and I have not been able to exactly put my finger on why; however, when I was considering posts for today (and/or Friday), I remembered that Mother’s Day is approaching. Could that be the cause of my soggy attitude? Not sure but it is a fact that I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with this weekend’s upcoming special day. (Sigh).
Maybe I am not the only one. And, considering that, I had some thoughts to share but then realized much of what I would share, well, I have shared before. So, today’s post is a repost. A second sharing of some encouragement for anyone who might struggle with Mother’s Day. There are a myriad of reasons that Sunday might be hard for someone but, if you are one of them, I hope this resharing of my heart will be a help. Even if just a little bit.
Originially shared several years ago….
I am surprised how much I tend to struggle with this holiday. Not exactly sure I would call it a holiday – but, this special day. There are so many emotions, memories and relationship nuances that spill into any potential celebration of a day specifically for mothers.
For me, of course, the absence of my youngest son is always extra heavy on my heart at Mother’s Day. The relationship I had with my own mom also comes to mind – bringing both sweet memories but some that are emotionally draining as well. There are current relationships that are also difficult. As blessed and grateful as I am to be a mother, Sunday can quickly become a day I want to rush through and move on to Monday! And, as I talk to others, I know I am not alone. It can be a difficult day for many. For lots of different reasons.
If you are one of those moms (or simply celebrating your own mom), I have three simple thoughts or suggestions as you decide how to approach Mother’s Day. They coming primarily from a grieving mother’s heart but, I hope, will be helpful for many situations.
ONE – There is no rule book. There is no rule book for grieving. Nor is there one for just the right way to celebrate Mother’s Day (or any other special day, for that matter.) Trust me, there has many a time I wished for a rule book. Not only am I a rule-follower but I am a rule-loving girl. Rules give me order. They establish boundaries, balance, and give me the sense of stability I can groping for on the really difficult days. But I have also learned that rules, self-imposed or not, can be the very things that not only drain my joy and energy but also simply make the day more difficult.
For several years right after Tyler died, we participated in a butterfly release organized by the local Compassionate Friends grief group I was attending. It was what “all the grieving parents” did on Mother’s Day. It was both beautiful and comforting – for awhile. For a variety of reasons, it eventually became draining but I was reluctant to stop attending. Would others think I didn’t grieve – or miss – my boy any more? So many of the other parents really looked forward to seeing all the butterflies each year. But there was (and is) no rule that butterflies (or balloons – I tried that too) had to be released in order to acknowledge my son’s love on Mother’s Day. We stopped participating. Actually, I soon stopped attending the support meetings – and that’s okay because there really are no rules.
TWO – Everyone grieves differently. And we can celebrate special days differently. Um, maybe because there are no rules. 🙂 I will admit, in the early years of grief, this one was hard for me to learn. Everyone is unique. Men and woman, of course. But also children, teenagers, siblings and friends. Everyone processes grief differently and everyone expresses grief differently. The same applies with acknowledging special days. What works for my brother (as we remember our mom) just might not be helpful for me. Or vice-versa. As a rules-follower, I can struggle with imposing “my rules” on those around me. This is not fair. Nor does it rarely work.
Take suggestions from others. Not necessarily all “the others” on social media but from trusted friends and family. But, at the end of the day, decide what works best for you and for your family. Mother’s Day, and most other special days, should bring you some joy…or, at the very least, some comfort.
THREE – This last one may just be for me…but I will include it. I cannot depend on others, or circumstances, to comfort me or to ease my grief. It is unrealistic for me to expect family, friends – or anyone else! – to know exactly what my heart needs. However, I have a Heavenly Father who does my heart. He cares for me, comforts me and is so kind. Many times throughtout the years since Tyler died, God has used someone (or several someones) to say or do just what my heart needed. In ways that I could not have pre-planned or imagined. He cares about my grief.
He cares about your grief as well. He also knows every emotion that might threaten your heart on Mother’s Day. Allow Him to work and to care tenderly for you. Make time to get alone with Him and allow Him to speak to your heart. It will give you more peace and genunine joy than any card, pretty flowers or breakfast in bed could ever do.
Perhaps Sunday is a favorite day of yours. A chance to surround yourself with those you love so much. Don’t take that for granted. Whatever your day looks like this weekend….however your heart might feel, I pray God will meet you right where you are and will send you an extra blessing on Mother’s Day. Hugs my friends –